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Monday, December 5, 2011


(If anyone should have any cognitive discordance with the fact that I will be using a capital "D" when I type 'Depression", it's because I am referring to the proper name of a disease I was diagnosed with several years ago; therefore, it is a proper noun.)

With my current relapse into Depression, I wanna write an info-rant about Depression, because apparently nobody actually knows anything about it.

I classify Depression into two catigories: Clinical, and Temporary.

Temporary Depression is something everyone feels in life. It's a general sadness, caused by death, heartache, ect. It usually only lasts a few weeks to a few months, depending on what has brought it on. It has no medical causes.

Clinical Depression is different. It has a medical cause, and cannot be controlled. One of the biggest mistakes people make in dealing with someone with Clinical Depression is telling them to "just get over it," or something similar to that. Clinical Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Brain cells use certain chemicals, called neurotransmitters,  to communicate between each other. When there is not enough of these chemicals, brain cells can't communicate effectively. This imbalance is usually caused by either genetics or trauma, and it shows itself as one or more of the following conditions:
Manic Depression (Bipolar)
Social Anxiety
Clinical Depression

I've been diagnosed with 1, 3 and 4 on that list. I could write a million rants about all of these, but tonight, I'll just focus on Depression.

As I said, the chemical imbalance can be brought on by a few different things; for me, it was genetics. Both of my parents have ADD, and my mom also has Depression.

So what are symptoms of Depression? These are the ones I deal with personally.
Sleeping disorders
Disinterest in things I enjoy, like playing guitar.
Loss of apatite
Irrational Logic

What frustrates me the most, is that those symptoms are not me. They're not who I am. But, when this happens, I become that. I fight it, and I do my best to counter it, but this isn't something that's just in my head; this is something that is out of y hands at the end of the day. I can try to be happy, but I cannot forcibly make my brain produce enough chemicals.

Outside factors do affect me, though.

When I was on my date with Bri, I was so happy afterwards. Why? Because I was out, moving, and doing things that release Endorphins, which also causes an increase of Dopamine, both of which are chemicals used as neurotransmitters.

One of the worst thing about depression is the way it effects inter-social behavior. When someone has depression, others might accuse him of faking it for attention, or making it up, or being a sissy. Sadly, these are usually not true, and usually make things worst.

If you've gotten this far, you might be wondering why I decided to post this. Because I really need to vent. I'm tired of people telling me to just get over it. I'm tired of the dirty looks, and hurtful things said behind my back that I do hear. Not having a close friend is killing me. Everyone I used to be able to call has left me. I miss knowing I could just call and have a conversation with someone. Not about my problems, but just a conversation.


  1. You can always talk to me. I wish the best for you!

  2. You can always call me. I have Depression, same as you, and I can empathize with what you are going through.

  3. Good post. Thanks for decreasing the ignorance in the world.

    Good friends are definitely a treasure. I'm sorry you feel lonely. I hope you find a friend soon.