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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Modesty Rant

A few years ago, the police department here in Daytona decided to try and crack down on car theft. The plan was simple: bait cars. Bait cars are cars rigged with GPS trackers, cameras, and electronics that can control every function of the car. The PD simply leaves the car, unattended, with the keys in plain view. The practice was quickly ended after the ACLU file against the Daytona Beach Police Department as well as the Volusia County Sheriffs Department, arguing that by leaving the keys in the car, it encouraged people who normally wouldn't, to steal the car.

A normal doesn't steal a car, period. The only people who steal a car because they could see the keys, are the same people who would hot-wire the car if it wasn't so suspicious.

Now let's apply this to dressing modestly. I recently read a blog post about modesty on the ask mormon girl website. For the most part, I like what was said about the responsibility of the viewer; however, there is one major part that is is often left out on the "mormon feminists" websites: The responsibility of the viewed.

My comments here are going to be directed at my sisters in the church, so some of it may seem a bit skewed to non-Mormons.

While I will try to keep my thoughts as mild and PG as possible, all of my regular blog readers are adult, and this is really an important subject. Let's be grown-ups.

First off, there is a HUGE problem in the church with sex. People are scarred to talk about it. Teens are told to shun it. Young Single Adults are told to avoid talking about it. Adults get offended if it's brought up in priesthood/ relief society. Newlyweds are having troubles with it because for years they've told it's dirty and bad, and then suddenly they're supposed to be enjoying it.

All of this is truly the work of Satan. When we make something as pure, holy and beautiful as intimacy dirty and naughty, or inversely, unholy and casual, we are working against Heavenly Father's plan for us. There is not a marriage counselor or marriage-improvement book out there that will not say sex is a vital part of marriage. Even Spencer W. Kimball said that in all divorces, no matter the case, the couple "didn't get along sexually."

Second off, women need to understand that they can never understand men. It is impossible to know what goes on in a man's mind if you are not a man. But for some reason, sisters in the church don't get that. So let me reiterate what has been said a thousand times: post-pubescent men are naturally more sexual than women. This is a vital aspect for reproduction in other species of animals- it's what keeps the population from disappearing or becoming in-bred. Also, men are more stimulated by what they see than anything else, including touch.

With that in mind, let's keep going

It baffles me when a woman dresses in a way that shows off almost everything, and then is offended when a guy shows sexual attention. To quote Riftrax, "It's so disgusting when we were dresses that show off our boobs, that makes guys wanna look at them, and then guys actually look at them." What are you expecting? Do you honestly expect a guy to look you in the eyes when his peripheral vision can see everything there is to see down your shirt?

This is where most women make the argument that men just need to not do that and not think that way. And they're right. But it is unrealistic to think that all men will control their eyes and their thoughts.

Let's say there are two types of men in the world: Worldly and Godly. Just what percentage of the population is Godly?

In the USA, the population is around 300m. Of that, about 30% attend church regularly. That's 90m. Now, in the LDS church, only about 50% of eligible members hold a temple recommend. So, assuming that percentage would hold true for all religions, only 45m people are Godly. Now, assume that half of those people are male. That would mean only 22.5 million men are Godly.

That means 22.5m out of 150m, or 15% percent are truly Godly and will control their thoughts at all costs. All men will notice it, but only worldly men dwell on it.

So, that means when you show off you body in a sexual way, only 15% of the men who see you (in general) will not entertain sexual thoughts. Side note- when a guy is entertaining sexual thoughts that were started by the way a woman is dressed, he isn't thinking in general terms

He's thinking them about that girl specificly.

Think about that for a minute. Do you honestly want men you've never met visualizing you naked, and thinking extremely unholy thoughts about you? Because that's what they're doing.

Now, there is a "fashion" trend that's become quite rampant- Wearing leggings as if they were pants. They're not. Stop it. Why do I bring that up? Because I've noticed something about leggings- they're extremely tight around the hips. Obviously, they show off the butt of whoever is wearing them (in way too much detail.) Less obvious is that leggings show off something else in detail. (I don't think I need to specifically say that that part is.) And don't think you'll always be able to tell if a guy is looking at you in that way. When a woman is standing close, it's obvious what part of her body you're looking at. When she is at a distance, however, it isn't as obvious. Usually, in fact, you get the whole picture without focusing on one specific part. And even if you could still tell, most men will look without ever getting caught. By the time a guy is in his early twenties, he has mastered how to look without getting caught. But, a guy doesn't have to be specifically looking for it to see it. It's kind of like plummer's crack- if it's there, you'll notice it.

Here's a little secret: When a guy is thinking about a woman's chest, it usually is just about her chest (for a while.) But if a though is triggered because a woman's crotch is on display, the thoughts are 100% as sexual as it gets. And again, not in general terms, but thought about THAT GIRL SPECIFICALLY.  A Godly man will re-direct his thoughts almost instantly. 85% of the male population won't.

Now, the things I have talked about thus far are important causes for a woman to dress modestly. But they aren't the most important. The most important reason is respect.

When a woman does not put effort into covering her body, or even displays her body, she shows disrespect to herself, her God, her divine beauty as a daughter of God, her womanhood and those who view her; likewise, men who think inappropriate thoughts about women disrespect themselves, their God, their Priesthood, and the women whom they are fantasizing about. Both parties are guilty, but why start it? It's just like with the bait cars: An honest person will never steal a car, just as a Godly man will never entertain sexual thoughts about anyone but his wife: inversely, a dishonest person will quickly take a car if the keys are in it, just like a worldly man will gladly think dirty thoughts about a girl who last her body on display.

There is something else to be said: no man will ever respect a woman who does not respect herself. And when a woman disrespects herself by dressing immodestly, respect for her body is the first form of respect a man will lose.This is even true for a married man and his wife. I may not be married, but I am still male and I know that part is true.

Sisters, please cover up. You cannot understand how hard it is for us men to control our thoughts as it is. We want to respect you. We care about you. We all have mothers, and most of us have sisters. But even Godly men like myself and others have a hard time when even members of the church ignore truth. When you put your sexuality on display, you're playing with fire- and even if you don't get burned yourself, others do. There is a time and place for everything. As my oldest sister said to me when I was having personal struggles, there are times when sexual desires and fantasies are okay, but that's only between a husband wife, and only in appropriate situations. I remember her telling me when I get engaged, she's gonna take my fiance lingerie shopping. But even within a marriage, there are limits to was is an isn't acceptable.

If there limits on even married people, why in the world would you flaunt it to men you don't even know?

Now, I wanna touch on what is and isn't modest.

I understand that women come in all shapes and sizes, and It may be difficult to cover everything. Some girls are very curvy, and can't really wear clothes without them being tight. Girls with large chests can't really cover all their cleavage without wearing a turtleneck. We don't expect you to be shapeless and frumpy. I am an artistic person, and I fully agree that the human body in and of it's self is beautiful. There isn't anything wrong with a woman wearing form-fitting clothes that are flattering. This video of Lindsey Stirling perfectly shows that. While her clothes are form-fitting, they aren't overly-sexual. Dress in clothes that flatter your body, but don't flaunt everything. You don't have to be shapeless, but be reasonable. Not all two piece-bathing suits are immodest, just as not all one-piece bathing suits are. Think about what you're wearing . We shouldn't need a list of do's and don'ts. Just be thoughtful about what your clothes say about you, and how others may see it.


I want to make something clear: I am not in support of those who condemn women to the point that they practically have to wear a burka. I find no fault with the way most women dress. But there are too many, in the church, who push the limits. A skirt with leggings underneath isn't immodest by my standards. A tight pencil skirt that only comes just past the hips is. (I've seen both at YSA functions.) Again, it's a matter of moderation and common sense. Some people are too judgmental. Some people are too nonchalant about how they dress.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Never have I ever

seen anything like this.

 I've been a NASCAR fan since I was seven, and this is the first time in my life I've ever seen that. This has been a crazy speed weeks. This is also why I love living in Daytona. We get two weeks of NASCAR, and this year has been especially nuts. Man I love the south.

Sunday, February 26, 2012


I've been learning some very interesting things lately.

-YSA women seem to be pretty oblivious to men's motives. The YSA girls around here actually seem to think guys want just friendship.

- There is way too much bureaucracy in the way the church is administered; not in it's designed order of functioning, but in the way it is actually carried out. I shouldn't have to ask four times what my YSA budget it. We have enough YSA to call at least one stake rep. Won't do it.

- The general public sucks at ordering food at fast-food restaurants.

- Nothing is more exciting to a fast-food crew than a dog in the drive-though.

- Pet cat in heat= annoying cat following you around and trying to escape outdoors.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


Once again, my life has returned to a sense of normality. I moved out of my parents house and I am now renting a room from two awesome people. I am getting good hours at work. I am living on my own again. I got called as the YSA rep for my ward (which is the calling I had been lusting after.) I have a good social life with the YSA around here.

But, I don't feel normal. I hate the fact that I know what's causing this, but there really isn't much I can do. I get so hopeless sometimes. I feel spiteful and venomous towards the YSA at times. I hate this feeling. I hate having this depression. I want to feel normal all the time. I don't like feeling offended and ostracized by people who have intended no harm and done all they can to include me.

I wanna be normal again. I know what normal feels like. My senior year of high school was normal. I want it back.

Friday, February 10, 2012

No, I haven't died.

But my internet did. I promise to do some worth-while updates in the near future; however, time is short tonight, so for now I will just say that I I am still alive, and I am sorry for not updating in forever.