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Saturday, August 25, 2012


God loves us; therefore, we have college football.



Thursday, August 23, 2012


For the first time since I was fourteen, I had an actual PPI with my quorum president. (Okay, so youth PPIs were done by the Young Men's presidency in my ward, but you get the point.) I actually had been approached a few times by President Button (I hate calling him that. I prefer Jeff) about doing a PPI but I hadn't been able to do it, mostly because I've been attending the New Smyrna ward a lot lately. (There are more YSA in that ward, and I am the only YSA rep in the stake who is active in YSA activities.) Well he texted me yesterday and asked me to come to the church for a meeting. I already knew I would be out with the missionaries all afternoon and so that was perfect because it would be at the chapel right when he wanted to meet.

Well there is a bunch of good news from it. He and I discussed my progression spiritually and taking the next steps in life, such as my endowments. He then complimented me on my teaching and how great my lessons have been in Elders. He told me he really appreciates my insights and opinions I give during lessons.  He then extended a calling to me within the quorum. (I can't post it yet. Even though no one from my ward reads my regularly, no one is supposed to know about it until I am sustained on Sunday. If you wanna know before then, email me, though it isn't that exciting of a calling.)

I also found out last tonight that I will be speaking in sacrament meeting "soon", whatever that is supposed to mean. The conversation basically went like this: (FYI, in case you didn't know, MY dad is my Bishop. Has been for five years now. I'm still not happy about it.)

Brother Begin (My dad's 1st counselor): "At least we know what the concluding speaker will be speaking about."
Me: "I'm simply surprised you aren't asking me to do it."
"Oh, you're time is coming very very soon. It's been a while since you last did one."
"Yeah, I know. At least I'm good at it."
"Yeah, you are."
"Maybe is I start to suck, I wont have to do it as often. Hey, maybe we can push this back to the next time the BYU dance team is here for the NCA/NDA championships." (Everyone in the room laughs)
"Yeah, 'cuz I know when that is."
"I do. It's usually the second or third weekend in April." (Everyone laughs again.)

Okay, I'm not a typical guy, but I am still a guy. A guy is looking for a serious relationship. (Okay, A guy who really is wanting to get married.)

In other news, I am done with KD. I mentioned in my last post that she and I have been kind of hot/cold lately. It's really been that way since we met, mostly because I struggle with her immaturity and player-like attitude about dating. Well, I've decided to wash my hands of her and move on. (Towards maybe the really pretty sister missionary in my ward who goes home next week and is also going out to BYU-I? JK. Kind of. Okay not really.) If this was two or three years ago, KD and I would have never progressed to this point. I used to have absolutely no tolerance for players and liars, and she has been both to me. The final straw came Sunday on the car ride home from the New Smyrna ward. I got physically sick from the words she said, because they were immature, self-centered and incredibly hurtful towards me. I took a lot of self-control not to tell her off and say exactly what I was thinking. I haven't spoken to her all week. I really don't care about her anymore.

Also, I have broken another tooth. This one is broken because it was weakened by a cavity. The cavity came from the enamel getting chipped off be the tooth next too it being extracted. The inside corner broke off while I was eating a granola bar Tuesday. It isn't painful, but the sharp corner is rubbing and irritating my tongue  which is making it hard to talk normally.  I hopefully can go see my dentist about this, and my broken filling on the other side of my mouth. (This makes it hard to eat, which is actually a very effective diet. I'm losing weight little by little. Not that I was overweight, but I'm getting closer to where I was my junior year of HS.)

Well, it's almost 2am, so I really need to go to sleep. Goodnight.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I feel like a complete dolt

Well, I certainly failed the last test the Lord gave me. That much I am certain about. (Thanks, Kate, for the reality check. I didn't take it well at the time, but it was needed.) I became so disillusioned and depressed that I forgot something important- the Lord doesn't allow us to fail if we are doing what we should be doing. I really should have handled this last test a lot better. I've been through so much worst, but this has really brought to light my weakness- I panic easily. This is also evident in how I am interacting with KD right now. The last text she sent me, about an hour ago, is "Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?" Yeah. A lot of people have. It's been a while, but I used to hear it all the time. That's actually a big problem with me- I am neither right-brained nor left-brained, so I am extremely analytical while at the same time I have a vivid and active imagination. Sometimes my thoughts run away from me, and I don't know what is and isn't real.

So, the good news of the day is I have a job again; actually, I had the job before I even interviewed. All they did was tell me what would be expected of me and told me to show up Thursday at 9. It's at Jersey Mike's in Ormond Beach. Oh guess who else is in the same shopping Plaza? Chick-Fil-A. Once again, I will be making the trek to the OTS. Oh well.

I've mentioned KD a few times. I'll introduce you.

This is KD. Her real name is Katherine, but everyone calls her KD.

She is the youngest YSA. She and I have had a warm/cold back-and-forth thing going on up until the last week. Right now the situation is:
We both like each other.
We both really enjoy each other's friendship.
We are both heading out to BYUI.
All the guys in YSA like her, which she hates.
She doesn't want a relationship right now.
A few YSA guys don't understand that.
I'm worried I might get too aggressive and end up pushing her away.

Yeah, things are a bit complicated.

I've also had another huge blessing. The house I am sharing with my roommate is being foreclosed. We no longer have to pay rent- just utilities. Until they finalize the foreclosure. So, basically I only have to pay 200/month. This should last a few months. Also, I won't have to sell my guitar to pay that, which I was deathly worried I would have to do. I have been very blessed with that. So, in return, I am going to practice a lot more. I almost lost one of the most important things to me. I won't take it for granted anymore.

In other news, I have decided to start a 4th blog, and I am going to actually post on all for blogs. This blog will mostly be my personal blog. will be all music-related posts is all things politics. is my new blog, about all thing religious



And if you don't love me, subscribe and share out of spite. That'll show me.

I promise I will update at least.

That's the news.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

-insert expletive here-

That's how I feel right now.

I am unemployed and have no money to my name. If I do not find steady employment in a few weeks, I will also be homeless. I really don't know how to react to all this. I was going to try and enroll at DSC for the fall semester and use grants to pay my rent, but I just found out if I do, I won't get my grant money until mid October.
I haven't been feeling right at all the past month or so. I lost my wallet, which included my DL, debit card, my emergency cash and a blank check. I got a new wallet, only to lose that one a week later with $30 cash in it. I don't feel like I belong with my roommate. Even though I have paid my rent on time so far, I feel like I'm just a burden to him because I don't have a job. I've had no motivation to do anything. I am only applying to jobs because I know I need one or else. I've read a few Ensign articles, but I haven't read the actual scriptures in weeks, which I know is contributing to all of this.
I just don't know what to do. I don't know what the future holds. I feel like I don't honestly have a future. And I hate talking about it with people, because nobody actually ever tells me something worth hearing. It's always the same genetic stuff. I don't wanna hear that it will get better, I wanna know HOW. I want an individualized reaction, not something they told you to say at the MTC. I don't want excessive sympathy or empathy, but I do want people to acknowledge the fact that I do actually have a really bad situation right now. I know things could be worst; however, that doesn't mitigate the actual situation I'm in right now. I am in excruciating pain every day because of dental work that needs to be done, but there isn't anything that can be done about it. To make things worst, I know one tooth at least is going to need to be pulled, which isn't a good thing. (Remember my last tooth extraction?)

I haven't played guitar since Danny's farewell. It shows. 3 weeks takes a lot away from your fingers. I tried to play a few songs today, but I couldn't mute properly or get a good tone. I couldn't get my fingers to trill fast enough, I couldn't get any good clean tremolo picking and I couldn't get a clean pinch harmonic.

Oh yeah, Danny left, Jeff Left, Matt left and Joey leaves a week from tomorrow. I'm glad my buddies are getting to serve missions, but it sucks being left here without them. I miss Matt so much. I guess it's because he and I have been through so much as friends (and at a few times, friendly rivals) that I miss him so much. He is one of the few people that really knows me intimately. He knows what makes me tick. Of everyone I've ever known my entire life, only Melinda and Ann (Melinda's mom) have known me as well as Matt. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to still have Richard and John, but even John is working on his papers.

I spent the last 5 days house-sitting for the Livingstons. Sister Livingston told me today that they will eventually be moving away from here. Terry is looking to work for another hospital. (And I don't blame him. Halifax is terrible to their doctors.) Because of certain laws, he won't be able to work around here. So goodbye more friends. KD is supposedly a friend, but, I don't feel like she is gunna be a long-term friend. I want her to be, but, something keeps telling me it isn't going to happen.

All this has forced me to put off BYUI. I am now looking at spring-fall track. This is good because I won't be showing up for the first time in the peak of winter, but I don't wanna stay here any longer.

I hate this.