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Thursday, February 24, 2011

such a beautiful song

As i looked over my page a few minutes ago, one of my all-time favorite songs came on the music player. Megadeth's "Addicted to Chaos" I love this song. The mood, the tone, the lyrics. The lyrics were inspired after Dave Mustaine's mentor in Rehab died after slipping back into his old drug habit, and how Dave knew he would have to carry on without him. I first heard this song right after Melinda and I broke up, and it just seemed to perfectly fit how I felt. Nowadays, I just love it. I love the message of carrying on and dealign with problems strait-on

Addicted to Chaos from the 1994 album "Youthanasia"
Lyrics by Dave Mustaine

Only yesterday they told me you were gone
All these normal people, will I find another one?
Monkey on my back, Aching my bones
I forgot you said "One day you'll walk alone"
I said I need you, does that make me wrong?
Am I a weak man, are you feeling strong?
My heart was blackened, It's bloody red
A hole in my heart, a hole in my head?

Who will help me up?
Where's the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?

In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I'm addicted to chaos

Lights shined on my path,
Turn bad days into good
Turn breakdowns into blocks, I smashed 'em
Cause I could
My brain was Labored, My head would spin
Don't let me down, don't give up, don't give in
The rain comes down, cold wind blows
The plans we made are back up on the road
Turn up my collar, welcome the unknown
Remember that you said
"One day you'll walk alone"

from awesome to suck in record time

Today started out great- woke up at a decent time, slept well after i finally fell asleep, and felt great. I had some odd dreams, and few unpleasant ones, but overall a good start to my day. Rode down to the boardwalk and hung out for about an hour and a half. Then my brother and I headed down to the DMV so I can take my renewal and update my address- didn't happen. My mom's registration was expired, as was her insurance card, so I couldn't take the test. So stupid. And it was so easily avoidable. All you have to do is keep your cards in the damn glove box- that's it. my dad insists though, that he is gunna get "more organized" and keep everything in a particular spot. Well, the glove box makes for a great spot for that crap. My room is a mess most of the time, but i know EXACTLY where everything is- and I almost never lose things, like current registration forms. I have yet to lose anything since I moved and have been allowed finally to keep my room as I damn well please.

This week has sucked so much. Sunday I got sick. Monday, I was very sick all day. Tuesday, still sick, and other crap happed. Wednesday, I was sick but I am out of sick days so I had to go to work anyways. When will this week be over??? I pray next week is better. I am supposed to hear from Laura Next week- and I cannot describe accurately the emotional mix I am feeling because of that. I love her, and I can't wait to hear from her, but I can't shake this feeling that it isn't going to go the way I've been hoping for; I feel like I've held on for 6 months, but she hasn't. Almost every day I expect to find a UPS box addressed to me from her with my stuff and a note saying that she is moving on. She said not to worry, but, the reply she gave me doesn't quite answer the question. I dunno, maybe Brooke is right and I am just blowing this way out of proportions like I usually do. I used to be such a patient person, what happened?