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Tuesday, July 23, 2013


I don't know how to deal with all of this.

Working at GFS cost me my job at Jersey Mikes. Now GFS is cutting hours and I am making less that I made at JMS before. I barely break even at the month. I have no money is savings. If I continue down like this I'll only have maybe a 50 bucks to my name when I go to Idaho in January. I can't do that. I can't completely transplant to a new place where I know almost no one and depend completely on money that I won't even be getting until the second week I'm there. If I continue to live where I'm at now I will have to keep paying 400 a month in rent. If I move in with the Hawthorns, I won't have to pay rent (though I would still, though not 400) but I'll be living in an environment that isn't good for me. I don't wanna move to Idaho with my stuff infested with roaches and everything smelling like smoke. It took me three months to get that smell out of my suits last time, and I was only there for a month. Between my 4 suits, my ties and dress shirts I have over 1300 dollars invested. I don't want those things ruined. I don't even know how I'm gunna get my stuff out to Idaho. I know no one out there who I could ship it to ahead of time, and it would cost too much to take in a suitcase on the plane. Hell, I don't even know how the heck I'm supposed to get from wherever I fly to the school.

I had my first dental checkup in 5 years today. 16. I have 16 cavities, three of which may require a root canal. the total cost to do all these fillings, assuming I don't require any root canals is 2600. If I need any root canals, it'll be close to 2000 each.  My parents said they're gonna pay for my dental work, but they don't know it's gunna be that much. I know they can't afford it. On top of that, My upper teeth are shifting back. The dentist wants me to go see an orthodontist. Not only is that several thousand more that I don't have, I lose the ability to say my teeth are naturally aligned straight.

Sarah is over in New Mexico; she's been there since may. It's slowly killing us. It's not that we need to see each other to be together as, we only have phone calls right now. When she was only on the other side of the state we had skype; now, we have nothing. On top of that, the time difference and terrible reception are making our phone conversations, the only thing we have, agonizing. Add in the time difference and it's even worst. By the time she's ready to call I'm ready to go to bed, and I don't really feel like having a conversation, which leads to bitter feelings and fights. With skype and when we're in person, silence isn't awkward, but it is on the phone. Unfortunately, when it's midnight, and I'm tired and stressed silence is my default.

All of this actually isn't a lot, except I don't have any of my coping mechanisms.

I used to read. But my bishop wants me to read an incredibly boring and ill-written book. I feel like I'm reading a damn dictionary every time I pick it up. I used to breeze through books like they're on fire. NOw every time I pick up a book I want to read, I remember I'm supposed to be reading something else, and decide I'll just not read at all.

I used to bike. But my mountain bike requires several hundred dollars in new parts, and is currently in several pieces. My road bike needs both derailleurs and the bottom bracket replaced, which is another thousand or so that I don't have. I can ride it around town, but I can't take it out on US1 and just ride till my feet fall off like I used to.

I used to play guitar when I was stressed, but I had to sell my Jackson (electric guitar) to pay rent several months back. I thought I could just use my Epiphone electric for the time. Well, the truss rod inside the neck is broken and I can't find any replacement necks that will fit. All I'm left with is my two acoustics, which work alright, but I can't play most of the stuff I wanna play. You just flat out can't play just anything on an acoustic guitar.

I used to enjoy listening to music. But when I hear good songs, It makes me wanna go play 'em. See above.

I used to play baseball and football. Now everyone I played with has either moved away or quit playing.

I used to be able to deal with stress.

1 comment:

  1. Do you know what housing complex you'll be living in when you move up? That'll tell you which ward you'll be in. If you fly into Idaho Falls, I'm sure someone from your ward could give you a ride up, as there's a ton of locals/people flying into school that week. If you fly into Salt Lake, there's the shuttle to Rexburg, which is $50 one way, or there's the school ride board (it's the bulletin board under the Services tab on your MyBYUI page). Someone's bound to be driving up to school from SL with an empty seat. Also, contact your apartment manager about shipping your stuff. People do it all the time, so they probably know the drill.