Friday, August 12, 2011
10 Reasons to come to Florida
Here are a few reasons to visit Florida. Some of these, you may already know about. A few of them, I bet not
1) Gators. How can you tell a native Floridian vs. a Tourist? A native will look at a 6 ft. gator and say "It's just a baby." It's okay though; gators might swim and run faster than people, but they can't climb trees.
2) Large, flying roaches. A native Floridian will look at a 2-inch cockroach flying by and say "eh." Secure small children.
3) Hurricanes. In 2004, we had 4 hurricanes in 6 weeks. Sure, wind sailing in a gale is extreme, but just imagine going it with 130 mph winds!
4) Sunburns. If you're going to the beach with your family for Thanksgiving, be sure to bring sunscreen. It's hard to enjoy a nice turkey dinner when you can't even put your back against the chair.
5) Venomous Serpents. There are three varieties of of poisonous snakes in the US. Florida is home to all 3. Doesn't that make you feel great. No? Keep this in mind: Thanks to idiots letting their pets free, the Everglades now has a thriving population of pythons.
6) Cougars. No, I'm not talking about geriatrics Miami Beach. I'm talking about the Florida Panther, a type of cougar. They're endangered. That means if one attacks you, and you defend yourself, FDLE will kill you anyways. But let it maul you.
7) No winters. Florida's season go like this: Light Summer from April to May, Summer From June to October, Light Summer again in November, Late Fall in December and January, and Early Spring from February to March.
8) It's Flat. Stand on a tuna can, see coast to coast.
9) Old People. You will always be able to find Prune Juice. Blue hair is abundant. Ask them about how things where done back in their day.
10) No one knows how to drive. more than 50% of Florida's population is under 25 and over 65. A great place to practice those first aid skills.