Geliebte

German is such a cool language. Geliebte. Beloved. Meine Geliebte. My beloved. Sie ist meine Geliebte. She is my beloved.
I haven't written on here in a while, and something amazing has happened in that while: My faith in the YSA program has been restored by Sarah. (Isn't she beautiful?) She and I met at a YSA dance. We talked the Sunday afterwards. We haven't stopped talking since. She's absolutely an amazing woman. She's a Chemistry Major at USF. She's super smart, really nerdy, and uber amazing. It's as if everything I've ever looked for was all rolled into one person. Even small things that I like but aren't that important are there. (Like the fact that she is a Gator. Wait, nevermind, that's a MUST!) She feels the same way as me on a LOT (almost all) subjects, she's politically active, plays guitar, writes poetry and she is fluent in ASL. (Check out this video of her doing some ASL. I love it. That's my nerdy girl.) She lives in Tampa, so we really aren't able to spend a whole lot of time together. Thankfully we have skype. She and I have been skyping EVERY night for the past several days. For several hours, actually. (We just got off skype as I started to write this post.) I'm heading over to the Tampa Institute dance, except once I get there she and I are gunna bug out and go get some dinner. And she's planning on coming over here the following Saturday. We've got some plans to hit up a few places around here. I've been longing for someone, even just a good close friend. I've finally got it, and I couldn't have asked for a better gal. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She's been such a good friend already, and she's already done a lot to help me. She really does feel like the missing piece of the puzzle. She's such a great fit. We've got a few kinks to work out, like the fact that I'm going to be moving to Rexburg in April, but I know we've got what it takes to make it. So, a few posts ago I said my friends were eating steak while I had hamburger? Well I certainly don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel like I would change anything about us, her, or the path she took to become who she is. I love her.

Heart-to-heart

I haven't posted in FOREVER on here.
hmm

time for a new blog


So, in my last post I talked about how KD and I have had a falling out.

Well, we've seemed to patch things up. Last night she and I had a long heart-to-heart talk. It turns out she's kinda been waiting for a missionary. Really explains things. We sat/layed on her car for about 2 hours talking. We talked about life, our futures, etc. Afterwards, we went to Wendy's.

Other than that, lifes been rather bland. Work. Sleep. FHE. Church. Institute.

Oh, and I have a crush on both sister missionaries in my ward right now, more so on Sister Dunford. She likes me. I guess it's alright. She wants to go out to BYU-I when she is done with her mission, so we'll see how things work out.


Here're some MEMEs to brighten your day.

unsure this stuff

I'm not really sure exactly what this post is about. I'm writing it anyways. I should note my typing may be off. I just had a very long practice session on the guitar so my fingertips don't feel very good right now.

I guess I'm just frustrated with so many things right now. It's not that life is necessarily bad right now, but it's not enjoyable. I'm watching little things happen that drive me nuts.

I'm getting tired of being single. I've never actually felt this kind of loneliness before. Sure, when my depression was uncontrolled I felt friendless, but this is different. I'm starting to feel jealously towards my friends who are in relationships/ getting married. I want to be happy for them, but at the same time thinking of what they have has only made me realize I don't have it. I don't know if this is normal or not; I've never felt this kind of emotion. And it's not that I'm not happy, but I feel like I'm eating hamburger while my friends are eating steak. Part of this I think come from the fact that I never thought I'd be like this 7 years ago. When I was in high school, I was convinced I'd be married, or at least in a serious relationship by now. Never did I think I'd be single, living in poverty, not in college and working a dead-end job at 23. I have plans to go to college in the near future, and I am working on polishing the details of my long-term plans, but it feels still so distant and dream-like. Maybe when I actually get close to leaving it'll set in.

Brother Messner has pissed me off a lot lately. I'm sure he thinks he's doing a good thing by criticizing me and all, but he doesn't know what he's talking about half the time and I don't wanna hear it.



I'm just... tired of it all.

Lessons on perseverance from two of my favorite sports teams.

Let's face it: the Florida Gators are playing more like a high school JV team than a 3-time national championship team from the SEC. (And yes, the SEC is the best conference in college football.) Well, today they opened conference play against Texas A&M. This is Texas A&M's first conference game in the SEC, first game ever after joining the SEC, and first game ever against Florida. The game started off looking like a typical SEC defensive slug-fest: it took TAM almost 5 minutes to march the field, and they only came away with a field goal. As son as Florida's offense to the field, they lit up TAM like a cheap firework show. Then, Florida started to suck. Florida could not contain TAM's offense, and they never made it back into TAM's side of the field. They ended the first half down 17-7, with less than 100 yards total offense. The game was completely different in the second half. TAM had ZERO total yards offense in the 3rd quarter, and Florida outscored TAM 13-0 to win, finishing with 280 total yards offense. (Okay, 280 is nothing to brag about, but we won, and that's what matters.)

Then, tonight was the final NASCAR race before "the chase" ( NASCAR's playoffs) begin next Sunday. (Click here to learn about how "the chase" works.) Well, Jeff Gordon, who's been my favorite driver since I was 7, was 12 points behind Kyle Bush for the 2nd Wild Card position. This means he has to finish 13 spots ahead of Kyle Bush to make the chase. Jeff started 2nd and led the first 2 laps of the race. Then, his car just bit it. He was running some of the slowest lap times of the field and his car did not handle properly. His team tried and tried and tried to fix whatever it was but didn't make any difference. At lap 192 (of 400) he was 1 lap down (meaning he had been passed by the leader once) and in 25th, while Kyle Bush was in the top 10. After a short rain delay in lap 193, Jeff's crew did something (probably a sacrifice to the NASCAR Gods) and all of sudden Jeff had the fastest car on the track. He got his lap back, drove his way all the way around to 4th, fell back to 12th and a lap down again after pitting, made up that lap too and finished 2nd. Kyle Bush finished 15th. He is now in the NASCAR playoffs again, and he has a chance to win his 5th championship. 

In other news, K-Med is not mortal. His guy can toss a baseball. He and the Atlanta Braves (My favorite Baseball Team) whooped the NY Mets 11-3. 

It's been a wonderful day in the world of athletics. 

Mormon dating: I'd rather get a tooth pulled with a rusty pair of pliers.

Before I start, happy birthday to me in 3 days!

So, to open up, I'll start off with some humor. This was my group's skit during the YSA conference I attended back in July




So, now that you're (hopefully) laughing, let's get down to it.

Let my start by saying these are general trends I've noticed in my own experiences as well as thing's I've noticed as a YSA leader in my now 6th year as a YSA. These things do not all apply to everyone, but at least one applies to most everyone. I haven't met an exception yet.

1) To all the YSA women, leaders, general authorities and everyone else who has singled out the guys: We'll ask women out more if and when the women say yes more often. I'm not talking about anything committed here, just a simple date. A first date should not imply commitment, and no matter how well you "know" someone isn't your type, people are very different in one-on-one settings versus group settings. Do not think so highly of yourself that you think going on a date with certain people is below you. Get over yourselves. The only reason you should turn down a first date is if you believe you would be in danger. Now second dates are completely up to you; If you just do not want to spend time with that person after a first date, then don't. But first dates should almost never be turned down. You're not leading a guy on just for going on one date. If a guy thinks too much of a first date (which some do) he has the problem, not you.

2) NCMOs are stupid. I cannot wrap my head around this. The concept of making out with someone, just for fun, is completely beyond the grasp of my mind. Kissing is a personal and intimate. Why would you do this?

3) Kissing is not something that needs to be held for the temple, or even a relationship. Now, this may seem to contradict what I just said, but it actually doesn't. A NCMO is just fun- no emotions or affection to back it up; however, a kiss implies a semi-deep romantic feeling. It is a sign of affection and facilitates emotional bonding. These things do not need to be held off until you're in a committed relationship. If you feel the emotions and affection to back it up, kiss away. I've kissed 10 girls in my life. (I'm not keeping track, BTW. I stopped and counted. This number actually surprised me; I didn't realize it was this high.) Of those 10, only 3 of those girls was I already in a relationship with at the time. The other 7 girls:
      4 of them I dated soon after kissing
      1 of them I wanted to date but didn't because she wasn't LDS and wasn't happy with just kissing
      2 ( including my first kiss) we had previously dated.

I'll give an example. "S" and I grew up in the same stake. She was the first girl I dated after my high school sweetheart and I broke up.  She and I had our first date on a Saturday. We spent every night on the phone after that. We hung out/dated a few times the following week. I attended her graduation that Friday, and she came to our friends Eagle Court of Honor that Saturday. After the COH she and I went out for dinner. Then in the driveway at home she and I kissed. We started "officially" dating the next week.

As far as I'm concerned, we did nothing wrong with doing it in that order. And while that was kind of rushed, the timing of it all worked out well. The relationship didn't, but I have no regrets. And don't save kissing for marriage. I don't know where that came from, but it's a dumb and unrealistic idea. I agree with Bro Jo on this one: If a girl refuses to kiss me, especially if we're officially dating, I'm gunna have a lot of questions and doubts. As long as your emotions match the message of your kisses, kiss whomever whenever. Just don't do it for recreation.

4) Save french kissing for post-wedding. I dated my high school sweetheart for a year and a half, and when she and I started dating, her mom made us promise that we wouldn't french kiss. (She and I didn't even have our first kiss until her birthday party a week later.) We kept that promise. (Not to say there wasn't some pretty serious kissing from time-to-time, but we never french kissed.) French kissing flips a switch. It makes everything sexual. While I'm not a fan of long lists of rules, I do believe this should be one of those absolute don'ts. It's a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. I would have saved myself a lot of grief and pain a few times if I had followed that rule with my later girlfriends.

5) Guys really aren't interested in being friends. Unless you practically grew up with a guy, he either has, does, or will think of you romantically. It's the way guys work. Get used to it and stop fighting it. A guy will not approach you, spend time with you, and spend money on you just so y'all can be friends. If he just wanted friendship, you'd be a guy.

6) We guys don't use signals and codes-- we're pretty straightforward. Don't over-complicate and over-think things. We mean what we say. We might not say it in the best possible way, but we're usually pretty honest.

7) If it quacks like a date and swims like a date, it's a date. If two people (guy and girl) are doing some activity together, not in a group, it's a date. Don't freak out about this. It's not a wedding ceremony, so calm down, relax, enjoy it, and be yourself. If your date calls it a date, don't freak out. He/She is just calling it what it is. If that person thinks a simple date means it's time to pick out china patterns, and you just can't get over that, don't date that person again, you dolt.  (Man, I loved the alliteration in that. I do believe that is a win for me.)

8) If a girl gives you her number, it means call her. I don't understand why this isn't obvious. Just do it. If you didn't ask for it and she gave it anyways, give her a chance. If you asked for her number though, you pretty much told her you'r interested, and she felt okay with that enough to give you her digits. Not calling is a big rejection.

9) Learn to approach women. Just talk to her. have a conversation. Don't even tell her your name. If she never asks your name, it means she isn't' interested. And don't use pick-up lines. Funny ice-breakers are okay, but corny jokes work best. But, have something to talk about. Few girls want to hear about magic cards or video games, just like few guys want to hear about shopping or reality TV. Don't be a bragger, but have genuine interests and activities to talk about. Do something in your life. It's never to late be become an interesting person.

10) Don't be a player/lead someone on/ friend zone people. If after a reasonable amount of getting to know someone you can tell it isn't going to go anywhere, let that person know. If you'r not in a position in life, not ready, or (like an idiot) waiting for a missionary, don't let people think they have a chance when you're not going to give it. It's better to give someone a day of hurt feelings now than weeks of unhappiness later.

Well, I have more things to say, But this is getting a bit wordy. I might do a part II later on.

Fact.

God loves us; therefore, we have college football.

PPI

For the first time since I was fourteen, I had an actual PPI with my quorum president. (Okay, so youth PPIs were done by the Young Men's presidency in my ward, but you get the point.) I actually had been approached a few times by President Button (I hate calling him that. I prefer Jeff) about doing a PPI but I hadn't been able to do it, mostly because I've been attending the New Smyrna ward a lot lately. (There are more YSA in that ward, and I am the only YSA rep in the stake who is active in YSA activities.) Well he texted me yesterday and asked me to come to the church for a meeting. I already knew I would be out with the missionaries all afternoon and so that was perfect because it would be at the chapel right when he wanted to meet.

Well there is a bunch of good news from it. He and I discussed my progression spiritually and taking the next steps in life, such as my endowments. He then complimented me on my teaching and how great my lessons have been in Elders. He told me he really appreciates my insights and opinions I give during lessons.  He then extended a calling to me within the quorum. (I can't post it yet. Even though no one from my ward reads my regularly, no one is supposed to know about it until I am sustained on Sunday. If you wanna know before then, email me, though it isn't that exciting of a calling.)

I also found out last tonight that I will be speaking in sacrament meeting "soon", whatever that is supposed to mean. The conversation basically went like this: (FYI, in case you didn't know, MY dad is my Bishop. Has been for five years now. I'm still not happy about it.)

Brother Begin (My dad's 1st counselor): "At least we know what the concluding speaker will be speaking about."
Me: "I'm simply surprised you aren't asking me to do it."
"Oh, you're time is coming very very soon. It's been a while since you last did one."
"Yeah, I know. At least I'm good at it."
"Yeah, you are."
"Maybe is I start to suck, I wont have to do it as often. Hey, maybe we can push this back to the next time the BYU dance team is here for the NCA/NDA championships." (Everyone in the room laughs)
"Yeah, 'cuz I know when that is."
"I do. It's usually the second or third weekend in April." (Everyone laughs again.)

Okay, I'm not a typical guy, but I am still a guy. A guy is looking for a serious relationship. (Okay, A guy who really is wanting to get married.)


In other news, I am done with KD. I mentioned in my last post that she and I have been kind of hot/cold lately. It's really been that way since we met, mostly because I struggle with her immaturity and player-like attitude about dating. Well, I've decided to wash my hands of her and move on. (Towards maybe the really pretty sister missionary in my ward who goes home next week and is also going out to BYU-I? JK. Kind of. Okay not really.) If this was two or three years ago, KD and I would have never progressed to this point. I used to have absolutely no tolerance for players and liars, and she has been both to me. The final straw came Sunday on the car ride home from the New Smyrna ward. I got physically sick from the words she said, because they were immature, self-centered and incredibly hurtful towards me. I took a lot of self-control not to tell her off and say exactly what I was thinking. I haven't spoken to her all week. I really don't care about her anymore.

Also, I have broken another tooth. This one is broken because it was weakened by a cavity. The cavity came from the enamel getting chipped off be the tooth next too it being extracted. The inside corner broke off while I was eating a granola bar Tuesday. It isn't painful, but the sharp corner is rubbing and irritating my tongue  which is making it hard to talk normally.  I hopefully can go see my dentist about this, and my broken filling on the other side of my mouth. (This makes it hard to eat, which is actually a very effective diet. I'm losing weight little by little. Not that I was overweight, but I'm getting closer to where I was my junior year of HS.)

Well, it's almost 2am, so I really need to go to sleep. Goodnight.